Someone missed the sensitivity training.

Guy #2: "Good times!" *goes for high-five*

Guy #1: "NO! WHAT the F*CK is WRONG with you!? I GOT CHLAMYDIA! F*CK!"

Overheard: on Campus.

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Guy looks at cellphone: [Screaming] "Ya dats right BITCH! Dats cuz yo man cheatin on you!"

Overheard on: 95 bus on the way to Campus stop.

Awkward...

Girl holding hands and being all "lovey" with this dude, talking to another girl:

Girl: "Ya, I'm from Guelph."

Girl holding hands with dude: "Oh my God! My boyfriend's from Guelph...op...uhhhh"

Guy holding girl's hand: " boyfriend..."(the guy proceeded to get off at the next floor).

Overheard in: 90U elevator.

Does that happen?

Girl: "Guys, do you know what my biggest fear is"

Friends: "What?"

Girl: "Spontaneously combusting at the bus stop"

Overheard in: residences.

Why wouldn't there be?

One girl to another:"There's so much sexual tension in HERE."

Overheard in: laundry room.

When bad vocabulary happens to good people...

Guy one: I am telling you he had a sick tattoo.

Guy two: Which sick tattoo?

Guy one: The sickest of the sick tattoos he has.

Guy two and three: SICK!

Overheard in: 2 Blair (bus).

Well, as long as it doesn't affect your confidence...

Girl: I was going 39km over the limit but he [the officer] bumped it down to 15 so I would't get any points.

Girl's friend: That was nice of him

Girl: And like a week before I was stopped for not driving sober

Girl's friend: wow, you're a crazy driver

Girl: Yeah, but I'm not a bad driver

Overheard in: 90U elevator.

Don't judge.That's totally legit.

Girl: Yes, these pants are loose. They're meant to come off easily.

Overheard: walking in the pavillion outside Thompson residence.

That sounds pretty accurate.

Drunk man: "A real drunk never surrenders...A real drunk gets drunk and goes to school...and a real drunk drinks at school."

Overheard on: Laurier.

What happens when kids leave for University...

Boy on cell phone: "Mom it doesn't really sound like acid reflux to me, it's because you're hungover."

Overheard in: Thompson lobby.

Heh. Clever.

Jock #1: Dude! You're going the wrong way! That's towards Desmerais!!
Jock #2: *running away* YOU'RE DESMARAIS!!

Overheard: somewhere near Desmarais?

You think he was joking...

Professor:"Come on guys, I have other things to do! Crack don't smoke itself!"

Overheard: in the midst of heavy questioning about what should and should not be in an essay (some abusurd questions included: "Can I put questions in my essay?") in an unidentified class.

I'd laugh...but karma scares me...

Girl ''So did you tell your parents yet?''

Guy: "About what?"

Girl (lowers her voice): "You know...the pregnancy thing...''

Overheard at: corner of Laurier and King Edward.

Flawless logic.

"If you're going to skip some of the class you might as well skip the whole class!"

Overheard in: study area of Desmarais.

There is no such thing as "just enough spandex"

"And he was wearing so much spandex"

Overheard in: the hallway of the 13th floor at 90U

I never dated a guy who lived in rez...this is probably why...

Guy#1: I could start wearing flip-flops but then I would still have to wear boxers.

Guy#2: No, you can wear the same boxers 3,4 days in a row.

Overheard in: the laundry room over a conversation on how to reduce their laundry.

Living the dream

Girl talking on her phone: "So he was in jail last night and I was freaking out and crying all night."

Overheard: in front of the Brooks residences.

Just in case the caf doesn't already sketch you out...

Cashier (at the caf) #1: So, he got fired from the Carleton caf, then, how did he get a job here?

Cashier #2: Pretty much everyone who works here was fired from Carleton...

Cashier #1: Why?

Cashier #2: Because Carleton is a bunch of effin' rich kids!

Overheard at: the UCU cafeteria.

Keeping your priorities straight...

Girl: I really need to study for my final, but i feel as though i should watch Americas Top Model instead.

Overheard: in front of LMX.

And you didn't run??

"Now my four inch knife, there are 20 different ways to kill someone with that."

Overheard in: the market.

Guy on his cell phone: "Yeah so all of my underwear just plain disappeared. I don't know where it went, really. I'm going to have to get some more...haha yeah I know!"

Overheard on: Overheard on the 97 Airport Bus driving past uOttawa.

"Does my dress make me look like i'm wearing a maternity dress?"

Overheard in: bathroom at Social Sciences formal.

Is the Pope German?

Filling out course/teacher evaluations:

Girl (to her friend): "Can I say compulsory if it was compulsory?"

Overheard in: HIS 1110

Girl: "hehehe...let's play naked tag! hehehe"

Overheard in: Thomson Rez

...?

So where did the whole thing about Islam and Jihaad come from?

Overheard in: an office on campus

It's all about the 'up and down'.

"Elevators are sexy. You get deep inside them and they shoot you up and down ---so many people use em, but no one really gets how they work"

Overheard at: 90U rez complex

Jesus told me to do it

Homeless looking man, walking around with pamphlets: "You kids think you're so smart, going to university. Do you? Well, you know what makes you smart? Knowing the way of Jesus ... knowing the amount of people that you need to convert to get into heaven! And until you kids learn that, you and your BA's are all going straight to hell!"

Overheard at: Laurier crosswalk that leads to Tabaret.

Every little think that you say or do...

Preppy girl: I just ... don't know what you want from me.
Preppy boy: You just need to relax more. Especially during sex. You're so hung up on sex.
Preppy girl, embarassed and lowering her voice: I am not hung up on ... sex!
Preppy boy: Yeah you are! You never let me do you up the ass!

Overheard at: 90u complex

Feeling funny in the vajayjay?

Girl: "Oh my god! I have to douche!"

Overheard in: University Centre

Overheard: The European Edition

Gars: "bon ça va hein, pas besoin de m'casser les couilles hein!
Fille: "Ches NOUS là, une couille c't'une gosse. Puis une gosse là, c't'une testicule. Puis une testicule là, ça FARME sa YEULE à c't'heure cite!"

Overheard in: Belgium

Now with special sauce.

Girl: "...asked me to suck on his toes for a bit but the nails were like all yellow and I almost vomited on his feet."

Overheard in: Rez complex

I wonder if that's how professors give grades, too...

"So I just put all my possible majors in a hat and picked one at random. That's how I chose my school too."
Overheard at: Arts Building.

I hope you're talking about produce...

Person #1: "Yours is probably nicer than mine though."

Person #2: "Yeah...mine's firm."

Overheard at: an office on campus